Daily routine

I wake up.. Just like most people do

I brush.. Just like most people do

I change maybe eat.. Just like most people do

And then I make my love's life miserable O.o

Very few people include this as part of their scheduale.. But for me thats exactly what its become..

I "suffer" from a cancer called multiple myeloma .. In reality what I suffer from is people's pity filled eyes :s

I mean don't get me wrong.. I'm sure they mean no harm and most of them don't even know their giving me that look.. But it really makes it hard for me to hope/pretend I'm going to be okay if I keep getting these warm, moist eyes saying to me oh god I'm so sorry.. I'll pretend to be nice to you .. Because its only for a little while anyway :P

So whats the alternative you ask..? And if you didn't you really should :s

The alternative is not feeling pity for me.. The problem or challenge I think is better word for this case .. Is that now these people decide its my fault :s I tell them I'm going to die and I get begged not to go O.o

.. I really wish I could just rip up my train ticket but.. Its not really a train ticket.. So stop asking me sheesh ~_~

Bt not everyones bad you know.. Their are people who get that I'm never coming back.. And decide to crack jokes about it :P not everyone can do it :s bt my friend macy sure can xD although she still gives me that look she often just tells me death at my age is great :D everyone including my parents satisfy them selves by saying I could have been great and I just cruise on compliments xD xP the woman cracks me up

Yeh I'm human.. Everytime someone mentions a pregnant woman, or kids I cry because I wanted it so much too..

Or when my love tells me bluntly that I make his life miserable O.o I dnt think I've cried so much in my life >> and thats really saying something :s

Or when I think about the time I wasted laughing and saying there will always be more days to make up for it later.. Yeh I cry then too

Or even when someone tells me how much they'll lack I cry because if they think their losing something.. I'm losing a hell of alot more

When my Daddy begs me not to go and he cries.. That jst kills me the most though.. When he cries I hope I burn in hell for it :/

I'm not bitter about death.. People tell me I think beyond my age.. Maybe for just the reason that my death looms so close in the near future..

Who knows? Maybe if I wasn't destined to die so "young" I wouldn't have met the people I met.. Loved the man I Love.. Do the things I did.. Or be the person I am.. I thank death when I go for being so kind and postponing this date so that I could do,say,feel,travel,understand,listen,Love,hate,adore,miss,demonstrate,recline,write,dance,laugh,hurt,smile,grin,see, and Live the way I did

Because it was amazing <3