Why is that hes the only one who can make me furious and..I don't even know why -_- I know I should be more caring..more understanding..a time like this..I can't even bear to think how it might feel to watch the woman you love slowly..die before your very eyes..I guess truthfully it started with a little quip from my sister from another mr..joytie..it wasnt her fault either..she was pounding some sarcastic realism into me.. I love her for it but in the moment..it was really salt on an open wound..its funny how you can say something .. A few words and no and feel terrible about how they'll hurt someone else that in the midst of all this you don't ask your self..or you realize its going to hurt and you and you ignore..how your going to feel..how your going to be effected..how your going to deal, to live..my friend asked me how I did it so quickly..how I'm not dragging myself around all day, no makeup, mirror cracking reflection, sleepy tired eyes like the generic heart broken girl..I had no answer then..now I know its because it hasnt fully hit me yet..and I didnt really understand..how much it hurts..not even a sting but a slow deep controlled downward cut of a knife through my chest..I thought about how he had to go on without me .. Bt never how much the thought of him as someone elses broke every small peice of my heart..
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