hehe mmmmmuuuuahhhhhh >:*< Goooood Morning darling <3
I'm off to some doc app or another hehe, but.. I wanted to leave you with a wonderful video i've recently discovered and very much adore!
Dinner? [-( nhi kiya toh karlo tab tak I take my kisi back >:P :P
I wonder how did your class go?
Tumne nap liya na? :(
aur :P without anymore nagging to do..
Voices croon into my ear, singing something about love,lost,hurt,someone breaking her/his heart, all failing to soothe the hollow feeling in my chest
Even the beatles can't bring a smile to my face
Again I recall the bitter-sweet memories of our meeting today..
His skin was stunning, sun kissed and golden like a summer day, no one could deny that his skin was dark but not it in the way most might think and some look.. His features weren't mared or hard to make out, he didn't look as if he was standing in a shadow.. He looked like he WAS the sun, everything about him glowed, and everything around him seemed to glow with the same life
His eyes warm brown like a cup of coa coa and so endearing that I felt my will to stay friends ebb into a distant hum, the corners of my mouth automatically turned up and my eyes smiled with a pure content happy only he could put there, the best way to understand how I felt looking at him would be to listen to "whole new world"
His mouth quirked into his signature shy smile, oh.. My favorite, I begged him for another, embarrased he refused sticking out his tongue, and I couldnt help a giggle
His expression changes from teasing and fun to adoring and love filled within a minute, Girls look even more beautiful after the break up, that split second after everything shattered me, outside I smiled at the compliment as I fought inside to my tears inside, I desperetly clawed down the urge to scream and sob how much I loved him, how much I needed him, how much I wanted him.. How I wanted to wake up next to him for the rest of my life
He looked down distracted by his friend's text, I welcomed the break, took a breath and steadied my self, looked down at my own friend's innappropriate question and grinned a little
He met my eyes with that charming mischevous look and I inhaled a little too quickly, taking in all that was HIM
He laughed, white teeth showing, open, confident, free, making my breath hitch and making tears spring to my eyes
He started getting busy, I took my leave being a supportive friend.. His glow eclipsed by the feeling of incredible loss
I let him go, yes its for the best, but you let him go.. Dumb girl, you let him go, and now theres a hole in your chest and in your world
No song, can try and fix that.
5 minutes pass - I roll my eyes at my own impatience
10 minutes pass - Cluck my tongue I don't care I simply want him to reply [-(
20 minutes - Sigh he must have gone to his lessons
40 minutes - I wonder what he's doing.. *imagining*
50 minutes - Am I being needy?
1 hour, 30 minutes - Okay, lets do something productive
3 hours, 30 minutes - *Check when he last checked messages*
6 hours - this is unlike him :( what could be wrong??
7 hours - okay there is something totally wrong!!!!!!
7 hours, 2 minutes - *Anxiously check when he last checked messages*
8 hours, 24 minutes - *Share a video with him* caption: Very intersting
8 hours, 25 minutes - *Check desperatly for any sign :'/*
8 hours, 27 minutes - His phone probably doesn't work, he was having problems before *Evil sub-conscious: But he sent you a message last time when his phone didn't work didn't he?? And if he wanted to he could have messaged you on one of the variety of social media outlets you so periodically check* F off sub-conscious he is not like that, he might have gotten busy, I'm the one who told him not to let me get between his work and studies, hah suck that *Evil sub-conscious: Sure dear but what if he couldnt reply..* What???? *Evil sub-conscious: Crickets chirping* What does that mean??????
8 hours, 39 minutes - *Whimpering* What does that mean..
8 hours, 55 minutes - *Imagining him deathly ill, lying helplessly, arms feebly streaching out above him, face flushed from fever, hair slick against his porfusly sweating forhead,tears pooling in his eyes,croaking my name, barely audible to the cruel uncaring world :'(* *feeling guilty panic spread rapidly through out me thinking I havn't even given him our promised meeting* *more dread and panic sinking deep into the pit of my stomach*
8 hours, 57 minutes - *Looking through his pictures* Oh my baby *throat thick with emotion* my baby :'/ not my baby my darling oh my baby boo :'/
8 hours, 58 minutes - He IS okay X.x He MUST be..Evil sub-conscious was always a bitch anyway :/ :/
8 hours, 59 minutes - Damn him he's probably too engrossed in his techi stuff to give one shit about what I must be feeling X.x Fine I'll feeling nothing too then X.x
8 hours, 59.5 minutes - Must.. Resist.. Urge.. To.. Care........
9 hours, 1 minute - *Rest my head in moms lap for some comfort*
9 hours, 30 minutes - *Cry quietly lips pressed tight, liquid slipping from my eyes down my nose and onto my cheeks, making them itch, Frustrated, Angry and.. As I slowly detect from the way my chin quivers and eyes leak more rapidly, Hurt too*
9 hours, 33 minutes - *mom uncharacteristically cradles me against her and kisses my eyes and cheeks which by now burn from my salty tears* only to make me cry a little harder
9 hours, 36 minutes - *Wipe my face* and *Frown* An odd coaktail of guilt,sadness,dread,despair, and maybe a hint of irrational regret, bubble in my chest* :/ *Evil sub-conscious: you're not even his gf now :/ why SHOULD he care??* This time I have nothing a *Whimper*
9 hours, 38 minutes - *Caring again* *Miserably lift my eyes to my cell* what if he needs me and i'm here moping like a baby??
9 hours, 39 minutes - ... *pick up cell check for messages* 2 messages from 1 contact *heart hitches, repeat a silent "please god"* *open* :/ its not him *fight the urge to hurl my phone against the wall* *deep breaths*
9 hours, 43 minutes - He's probably just busy with work..
9 hours, 44 minutes - *Evil sub-conscious: What if hes not..?* What??? *Evil sub-conscious: What if he was drinking and driving again..?* NO. FUCK YOU.
9 hours, 45 minutes - *Evil sub-conscious: But.. Ya never know..?* :/ fuck leave me the hell alone, not a good time *Evil sub-conscious: Babe the truth stings* :/ .. :(
9 hours, 46 minutes - Oh my poor jannu :( where could he be.. What if he got lost and a snake bit him :( *pushing away the drunk driving thought* what if he lapsed into smoking again :( what if he drank too much and none of his joker idiot moron friends thought to turn him on his side!! :'/ *Imagining being there to be able to administer CPR*
9 hours, 58 minutes - .. What if he did drink and drive :( *trying despereratly to push away the image he once idiotically photoshoped of himself streched across a road, eyes closed, blood near his head, and smeared across the road, bike on its side where it preasumably skidded to a stop.. The details clearer to me then his name spelt out in my writing a picture he even more stupidly decided to show to me :/ the girl who was newly and honestly head over heels, crazy in love in a way that was so new to her she felt like he was her first..* tried and failed miserably *Panic spreads through me like wild fire* *Deep breath he's okay* *Evil sub-conscious: What if he's not* STOP *Get up and Warm dinner* *Refusing to think, letting the mechanics of using the open gas stove top take over* * Wash hands* *Put down plates* *Eat dinner* *Wash hands*
10 hours, 45 minutes - *Check messages* *Refuse to think*
10 hours, 46 minutes - *Watch elementary*
11 hours, 50 minutes - *Play DS*
12 hours, 10 minutes - *Check messages*
12 hours, 11 minutes - *Try to study*
12 hours, 13 minutes - *Briefly miss my former best friend*
12 hours, 13 minutes, 30 seconds - *Briefly miss my dick friend*
12 hours, 14 minutes, 10 seconds - *Briefly miss my ex-sister/friend*
12 hours, 14 minutes, 15 seconds - I miss him :( should I message him again..? *Evil sub-conscious: Nooo he'll think you're needy, and a looser* F off I know :/
12 hours, 15 minutes - He's okay na..?
12 hours, 17 minutes - Pshht he's probably fine xD i'm just over reacting like ususal :P
12 hours, 18 minutes - *deep breath* *happilly scroll through we.heart.it (cuter version of tumblr.. I know I'm a looser)*
12 hours, 50 minutes - *See a picture I want to send him* *See a picture I want as a DP* *Download both* *Scroll s'more* *urge to look cute and korean* *Remember Shah Rukh Khan :">* *Glad to be brown again*
13 hours, 40 minutes - *Check messages* *Getting depressed* *Send message "hope yur okie luv* *Evil sub-conscious: see its starts, you're not his gf anymore so he has no interest, you're just another chick now* I know :( *Evil sub-conscious: he probably hates you, can't stand you anymore, love blinded him bahaha ;P now he can see crystal clear and you're not really a reminder he wants* f u :'( :/ I don't like him either then :/ *Decide to be cold forever :/* *Get ready for bed*
14 hours, 30 minutes - *Check messages* *lie awake listening to punk rock, all songs whos lyrics include "fuck you" and finnally Alicia Key's "Try sleeping with a broken heart"
15 hours, 18 minutes - *Remember the picture and my DP* Shit *Send it* *Begin to change my Dp* *See a new notification, 1 new message, from one contact* *check messages* *Him: you havn't slept yet doll?* *Happy tears prick my eyes, finnally exhale, suddenly feeling exhausted like i'd been carying a weight and only noticed now that it was gone* *Anger also flooded through me and then vanished* it could be so much worse, I just want him safe, sound and his handsome, wonderful self "No I was just a little worried" I say *Him: Everythings okay now, Go to sleep princess*
And so.. Now I sleep..
